After a year I:
- Have accomplished studies in German and have self taught journalism (the best I can by myself)
- Got a wonderful spot for myself. With a view and a spare room - the creator room I call it.
- Got a pc. A fucking awesome one.
- Books. Great amounts of them, donated, bought, given or just read (Among them my adorable Encyclopedia of Photojournalism that Robyn gave me by the time her house was sold)
-Clothes of any type (the joy of going Op shopping with my girlfriend)

But.

That's part of it. In general my life:
-Grew gigantic out of the sudden. Friends everywhere. I was truly, never alone. I just HAD TO SAY NO TO THAT WHICH ... oh, fuck them, fuck them all. Vicious rats of "first world" "fighting for what is important them" Ha. The same people that feel entitled to look down on you in a cafe, the same ex girfriend that bombed a world in her cause "for happiness".
Yeah, them. Those who got it easy and that never change because they got it all.
My girlfriend, who's 22, owns a house, lives by herlself and pays for her studies told me:
"-those are people that have lived with mom and dad,which their families pay for their studies and which socialcircle have never experience real struggle, but a bit of spoiled behaviour because they live so hipnotized they think people like you are criminals or wierdos with a lack of common sense. You know who they are?-" She said -"they same kids that write Indi rock.They will never sacrifice for growth, real sacrifice, they can't, they're numbed. The cancer of the first world.... ironically, it is them who are fucking supporting green peace.-"
And so forth. My real points were:
In a year I've created:
- Wondelrful relationships with old andnew friends. Family, a wonderful girlfriend with I've been 9 months now.
(The amusing thing is that as soon I left all the hippie rubbish behind, my magical garden manifested)

- 3 jobs, each one representing an aspect of my life, my dreams:

- A coffee maker
- A Teacher
- A journalist (yeah I made it. Even with my "situation")

If my life is shining,
I didn't lose, but the dignity.

Clear is for me that those like the one I left behind will experience that they put on some others.
I did, I pay for my freedom. I Am free.
She didin't acknowledge her own process.
And the shit will hit the fan.
No doubt. There was too much i wasn't aware of at the time an too much I got blamed acussed and abused for.

Love?

Wake up.

A lifetime of forgiveness and amends.

Not everything vanishes with prayers and good intentions.
Not all saints get what they deserved and not all eveil people pay for they're actionsor are condemned.

Takes spirit- Dark and white - to manifest.

Any other moralistic issue (religions, sects, groups, even ideas)
suerly will die.

And so it is!
=)

"I can remove the cause.... But not the symphtom" - The rocky horror picture show.

"Like the moon and the stars and the sun"

Buena noche viejo. Duerme en paz.

Omar Rayo - Flor androgina. Oleo-40"x40"

Se han dado cuenta, como nos "perdemos" en la vida.
Viviendo por "uno mismo", pero enceguecidos "por alguien mas?
Se han dado cuenta como todo " es uno mismo" y "alguien mas" solo es "uno mismo" a travez del otro lado del reflejo de la vida?
Se han dado cuenta como "ser uno mismo" aveces el el mas duro csatigo, el mas frio, el mas falto de piedad y aun asi, el mas lleno de Amor "por uno mismo"?

Se han dado cuenta que "uno mismo" es el actor de su propio daño y que otros, si lo extendiera mas, la vida en si, son solo amor infinito de una de la cual "nadie es culpable" mas solo uno mismo "es responsable de?"
si regreso a mi vida, es a esto.A lo que amo, a escribir mas y quiza a escribir solo.
Mi vida, vuestra vida, ES uds, y vuestro refeljo en el espejo de la vida. No quienes creen y los actores de ella.
Buena noche.

Vivo.

"Alice" haha... right...."

"Truth is I violated my core values from the very begining. No wonder I'm looking like "Below the Average Man....."

"Try and learn....."

ideaGasms(R) Newsletters - Welcome To The Front Lines Of Dating,
S E X, And Relationship Consciousness.
"Awaken The Wussy Within"

Dearest Readers,

I am glad to see that so many of you watched, and definitely
enjoyed, "The Secret".

In case you missed out, here is the link again -
http://www.thesecretstory.com/Watch_The_Secret_Movie_Free.html

Now, I'd like to take the time to poke fun at one of my old
"heroes" Anthony Robbins.

Don't get me wrong - I started listening to his tapes and reading
his books when I was 15 years old, and it definitely made a
huge difference in my life.

HOWEVER...

It screwed up my RELATIONSHIPS.

You see, I was the guy in high school who had all the girls.
I was very, very spoiled from a young age.

Even though I didn't exactly have "GTP Consciousness" or anything
like that, I was definitely a "Natural". I instinctively understood
attraction, and even though I was quite shy, girls seemed to
flock to me.

>GTP Consciousness or "Relationship Mastery" -
http://www.ideagasms.com/content.jsp?c=TheGTP

Now, I could GET girls, but I certainly didn't know what to
do with them...

So eventually when I read "Awaken The Giant Within" by Tony
Robbins, I was very happy to find some good, sound relationship
advice when I turned to page 451, "Relationship Destiny".

I thought it would really help me.

Well guess what?

It screwed me up for YEARS!

The main thing that screwed me up was, and I quote:

"If you want your relationship to last, never, never, never,
ever, ever threaten the relationship itself. In other words,
don't ever say 'If you do that, then I'm leaving'."

Dear friends, I'm here to tell you that it is the exact polar
OPPOSITE. If you do not set clear boundaries and enforce them,
you are doomed.

Women are going to test you, OH MY GOD will they ever test you.

THE MOMENT a woman violates one of your core values, if you
don't do something to put a stop to it and let her know that
it is unacceptable...

I suppose that if you were a 6 foot 6 giant leader who also
happens to be a billionaire who travels the world helping millions
of people to empower their lives and so on, your girlfriend
will probably have so much respect for you that she'll never
"test" you.

She will think, "I better be nice to this one."

Let's face it, Tony is a pretty high status guy. I doubt if
he needs to do very much to keep his women happy and chasing
him.

At the time, I blindly followed his BAD advice. It sounded logical,
and after all, I looked up to him and trusted him immensely.

I started giving more and more of my power away, and losing
my girlfriends faster than ever.

If my girlfriend said she would call but didn't, I would "discuss
it" with her. If she acted like a bitch, I would "talk" about
our "feelings" while our relationship just circled down the
drain.

The bottom line is that I wasn't setting clear boundaries. I
was just discussing things with girls and arguing with them
on logical levels, which almost never works.

THANK GOD I eventually realized what was going on and fixed
it. I wouldn't be where I am today, and my relationships would
all suck...

I now hold the frame, "It's My Way (Love, Honesty, Loyalty,
Respect, etc.) OR THE HIGHWAY."

Don't get me wrong - I have a lot of respect for Tony and I
still believe that he does a lot of good in this world, but
on that one MAJOR point of his, he is wrong, wrong, wrong.

>Please note that my advice to actively threaten the end of
the relationship in a congruent "shape up, or ship out!" fashion
doesn't only apply to men, it applies to all self-respecting
human beings who want to enjoy incredibly satisfying, heartfelt
relationships.

Consider this email -

***QUESTION FROM A WOMAN***

Hi Stephane,

I'm just wondering if you could share your take on something
that is starting to be a concern of mine in my relationship
with my partner.

When we talk together about topics and issues to do with ourselves
and each other, he doesn't look at me. He will often sit facing
somewhere else and will often even look directly the opposite
way when I am speaking to him. I've tried to treat this gently
and ask him whether he would look at me so I know that we are
connecting with each other. We are talking with each other so
I feel that it's not that he doesn't want to be there and share,
but it still makes me feel a bit uncomfortable that he won't
look at me and share directly with me.

He says that he feels "self-concious". My question is, what
is your take on this? I feel like he doesn't trust me enough
to share directly with me. I want to be able to develop a really
strong and safe space in which he will share with me without
feeling this way. Is there something you can suggest to help
me understand what he is going through and how I can help him
move through this so that we can keep growing together?

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Many Thanks,
Alice

>>>MY COMMENTS:

What kind of a man cannot even look his woman in the eye while
talking to her?

I suppose he might have been wounded in the past, and is afraid
to open up again. Or perhaps he's ashamed of himself.

Or... Maybe he has something to hide.

Who knows.

Either way, you have to ask yourself if you can continue to
live this way. He is violating one of your core values.

If he was "wounded" then he needs to ask himself why he chose
that experience. He needs to be a man and take responsibility
for the part he played in getting wounded, learn the lessons,
and get over his fear of intimacy.

If he cannot do that, then he simply isn't strong enough. He's
not relationship material.

On the other hand, his refusal to look you in the eye might
also be a huge warning sign that he cheated on you or betrayed
your trust in some way.

Now, he says that he feels "self-conscious", but what exactly
does he MEAN by that? WHAT is the fear?

I personally can't stand it when someone I am in a relationship
with won't open up to me. It doesn't exactly inspire trust,
you know?

If a girl I was dating refused to look me in the eye while talking
to me, I would want to know the reason.

If she cannot tell me the reason, then she cannot be in a relationship
with me. She should go find someone who hates eye contact or
something. I need a strong woman who can open her Heart, and
nothing less than that will do.

I have said to girls, "Let me get this straight. You feel comfortable
enough to spread your legs and take me inside you, but you're
afraid to TELL me something? Um-hmmm."

Alice, you seem like one of the most compassionate, sweet, gentle
and nurturing women ever to grace my inbox.

And your boyfriend is afraid to LOOK at you?

Is this acceptable to you or not?

Giving ULTIMATUMS is a necessity in today's dating world. Otherwise
people will eat you alive. It really is a jungle out there,
and people treat you the way that you train them to treat you.

Anything less than Spiritual Warrior energies and you will simply
fail in today's dating world. You simply MUST hold your loved
ones to a higher standard - relationships are about personal
growth.

Your relationships will never reach their fullest potential
unless you start setting clear boundaries and offering very
real ultimatums to let people know you mean buisness. If they
cannot understand simple things like Love, Honesty, Respect,
Open Communication, and so on, then they are NOT ready to be
in a relationship.

Most people do not set clear boundaries and offer real ultimatums
because they are afraid of losing the person. They don't want
to scare their partner away.

But in my experience, setting boundaries and holding your ground
usually draws them in closer!

Sure, she might leave and go off somewhere to feel sorry for
herself... For a WHILE.

But then they usually come right back and apologize because
they know you are RIGHT. The truth always wins (unless her self-esteem
is too low to handle the truth).

You see, I am always right.

I tell my girlfriends all the time, "Steph knows best."

Sounds like a pretty strong statement, doesn't it?

I'm always right simply because I am a Spiritual Warrior. The
only things I ever insist on and absolutely ENFORCE in my relationships
are LOVE-BASED - Honesty, Loyalty, Respect, Appreciation, Compassion,
Dignity, Growth, Purpose, Integrity, and so on.

My core values are not an option. My girlfriends don't get to
"vote" about these things.

So... I'm always right, AND they always seem to come back for
more once they've cooled off AND their attraction goes through
the roof when they can see that I'm strong enough to hold my
ground.

Fear Of Loss doesn't run my life anymore, LOVE is my priority.

>Just make sure that when you threaten to end the relationship
that you actually mean it. This isn't a fear-based manipulation
tool, it is about being true to your core values.

Boy am I glad I finally learned this stuff...

Namaste.

Be well,
Stephane

PS - Master The Female Orgasm -
http://www.ideagasms.com/content.jsp?c=squirting_orgasms

PPS - There are 16 Inner Game frames that are an absolute MUST
if you'd like to call yourself a Spiritual Warrior -
http://www.ideagasms.com/content.jsp?c=chakras

PPPS - What The Well-Intentioned Tony Robbins Never Taught You
About Women and Relationships -
http://www.ideagasms.com/content.jsp?c=TheGTP

PPPPPS - If you like these simple newsletters, you should see
the stuff that I post on my forum... It will challenge you to
the core. Forward any ideaGasms(R) reciept to Jack@ideaGasms.net
to join us there.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

--Jack Nicholson

"Human Experience"

My Dear Friends,

The physical world in which you find yourself is but ONE LEVEL of Infinite Multiversal Mind. It appears solid, though all things remain in motion, all of the time. You (and they) are continually changing, vibrating--mixing and mingling--exploring, tasting, experiencing. This is why you came here. And this is why portions of you will never, ever leave.

Some aspects of you move more rapidly than others. Just as vapor becomes water, and water becomes ice--so does the physical world crystallize into form all those issues and themes which Soul desires to experience more deeply.

Some have been forgotten, rejected, or disowned along your Soul's Path. Other issues simply deserve to be savoured, doted upon, and deeply enjoyed. For whatever reason, a portion of your Multidimensional Self has desired to come here, to solidify, and do whatever it is you are doing RIGHT NOW, in this moment. So be it.

"In the beginning was the WORD. And the word was with God.

And the word WAS God." ~John 1:1

We are The Reconnections. We represent all those parts of self which you had to forget about in order to become human. We've never really been far from you......just far enough. Within our ranks are represented all the necessary "bridge concepts" which can connect you to what is called The Multiverse---a limitless storehouse, made up of All That Has Been, All That Is, and All That Will Be. We are a Soul Group of concerned individuals who have come here to share with you, at your command, all that you have forgotten when you entered this World of Form. And so, we begin again.

THE POWER OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE

"Human Beingness" is a design template for consciousness which allows for solid additions and subtractions of character and essence, so that observations and inferences can be made. In 3D life, you enter a clothing store in order that you may buy a coat. You find a rack, stand before a mirror, and you try each one on. In a sense, this is what being "human" is about. You get to try on "selves," one by one, so you can determine who or what to "wear" at any given moment.

Many of you approach us with the question: "Who am I?" You seem concerned, deeply engaged, and earnestly desirous to obtain certainty, power, and direction. We can most effectively answer this with a question of our own: "Who AREN'T you?"

This World of Illusion spends time and energy to single out specific conditions, traits, and attributes. Some of them appear to be positioned quite close to you---so close, in fact, that you believe you are inside them, peering out at a reality that is separate and apart, with a life all its own. In truth, what you see (at any level) is ALL YOU, every bit of it. Your experience of being here, or looking there is a but an optician's tool. A trick of the imagination.

If you were to close your physical eyes, and open up your "eyes of the mind," you could envision yourself anywhere, doing anything. And if so, does that Inner Image represent you less than the solidified Outer One? Of which "coat" that you try on do you choose to say: "This is mine? This is ME?"

The more solidified you become.......the more committed you are to a particular definition of "self" or an idea.........the less perceptual access you have to other parts of yourself. And that, too, is illusion. It is called "Focusing." In order to see one thing clearly, you must filter your attention stream so as to eliminate all other things which are also there.

It could be said that "out of elimination comes illumination," as your Multiversal Soul takes time and energy to get "up close and personal" with one or more aspects of All That Is. You live, you learn, you enjoy. That's how its works in the Human Sector of All That Is.

RETURNING TO CENTER

And now, you are preparing to be born, once again. The escalating sense of dissatisfaction which many of you are feeling---the decrease in body energy, the sense of dissociation you now feel about 3D living---comes from a waning interest in viewing THIS representation of what is real in favor of adopting ANOTHER one, which seems more suitable to your taste. You are in your mother's belly, sleeping and dreaming, and some unseen force is drawing you forward, into your next "life."

You are DISENGAGING..........whether slowly or rapidly.........in whatever manner that feels suitable to you. The birth canal expands, an opening in the Veil spreads itself before you. Even the idea of "this is who I once was" is beginning to fade. Slowly, steadily, they are all melting away, like polar ice caps in the sun. The ice becomes water, the water turns to vapor.......and is blown across the night sky towards another time, another place........where it can rain down upon the Earth, mixing and mingling and becoming INVOLVED once again.

Your mind may tell you "Quickly! It's time! Let go! Let it happen NOW!" But the mind is only a part of who you are, a wandering minstrel........looking for his new home. His wife and child (his emotions and physical body) travel far more slowly; taking time to feel, to recall, to consciously release connections to home, family, community, and all that was. Linear Experience. Past-Present-Future. It takes time to let it go. Truly........it takes what it takes.

Your body falters. Your mind wanders. "Am I dying?" you ask. "No, I guess not. I'm still here." But death, too, is illusion. A heart stops, a body topples to the ground.......and another coat goes to the pile. Back to the drawing board. Back to the rack to try on another.

Your CENTER, the nexus of who you are.........can bloom and blossom anywhere and anywhen it chooses. It takes but a moment, a twinkling of the eye! As long as you are demanding it, your watched pot never seems to boil. Isn't that amazing? It's "kitty kat" logic, you know. Cats are very free and independent. They do what they will do, when they wish to do it....regardless of what humans or even other cats tell them.

The World of Now is your mirror........your current reflection of SELF. Notice it, embrace it, accept it for what it is. Then and only then will you be ready to move along. Nothing happens by accident, and very few things stop just because you tell them to. Not at the ego level anyway. Control of your process will come in time. You will practice a new type of "reconnected" dominion. But before that can come you may experience darkness, confusion, bewilderment. That, too, is who you are. Not just now, but forever. Not just here, but everywhere. And much, much, more! Indeed, it is ALL you. Multi-level, Multi-faceted, Multi-D.

We love you. We admire you. We are always here.

One of many Portraits of Tracy. A complete jewel, ha!
Enjoy

Jaco Pastorius with Weather Report - Portrait of Tracy

Read carefully all the shit that comes to you.

Fuck most of the gurus around.

And learn from yourself.

There's too many telling you "how to be you"

Learn from just being yourself and, if it's not working , then change....

Too many shit.

And you'll be smelling.....

"When a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is "sane."A superior man penetrates her mood with imperturbable love and unwavering consciousness. If she still refuses to live more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go...."

If you are like most men, you probably aren't too fond of feminine bad moods and hysterical emotions. You may find yourself wondering, why is she so complicated? What's her problem? You may find yourself saying, "Just calm down and take it easy." The feminine bad mood is so foreign and dark to you that you may actually find it somewhat repulsive. And when your woman really goes wild, a part of you is afraid of the damage she might do. Her emotions are so much more wild and less predictable than yours that you'd rather not be around them.
Basically, most men are afraid of, or disgusted by, feminine emotions. That's why you try to fix them or escape from them.
"I'll come back later when you can act like a reasonable human being," you might say.
One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trust ability, and she can relax.
The way you relate to your woman's chaos reflects the way you react to the chaos of the world. If you are the kind of man who needs everything placed neatly in its nice little box, then you will also try to box your woman's emotions. If you are the kind of man who would rather hire other people to take care of the chaos in your attic, or the chaos of your finances, you would probably also rather leave it to someone else to take care of the chaos of your woman.

You can, however, train yourself to master the world—financially, creatively, spiritually—by learning how to be free and loving in the chaos of your woman's emotions. And you do so by standing your ground and loving so strongly that only love prevails. You can't quit when you seem to fail, but rather, you must learn from your failures and return to love. Give your gift. Like wrestling a steer or surfing ocean waves, mastery involves blending with your woman's powerful energy and feeling the rise and fall of the moment, without lapsing in presence for a second.
You're going to get stamped on by the steer, you're going to get swamped by the ocean, and you're going to get hurt by your woman. This is how you learn. You get up, dust yourself off, swim to shore, and turn and face your woman again. The only options are fear or mastery. You can quit, you can choose small steer and tiny waves, you can wait for your woman to calm down, or you can even threaten her. Or, you can take the moment as a challenge to your ability to conquer the world, and your woman, with love.
Keep your breath full. Keep your body strong. Keep your attention present. No matter what your woman says or does, give her love. Press your belly into her. Smile. Scream and then lick her face. Do whatever it takes to crack the shell of her closure, get your love inside that crack, and touch her heart. Learn to enjoy her anger, her tears, her silent hardness. The world will give you the same at times.

The game of life is to find each situation workable, to transform each occasion through the magnification of love, to give your fullest gift in every moment, and to have no attachments to the outcome, knowing it's all going to rise and fall and rise again. You have mastered women and the world when no desire either to avoid or attain sways your loving or limits your freedom....